Friday, January 31, 2003
social information overload!
flip's tonight was fun - i haven't had wine since last spring, nostalgia for overseas.
i feel funky, but at least it is a functional kind of weird, i'm getting stuff done to a point at which i have never been before. if i'm not working on something for school, or consulting, or looking for a job - i feel useless. and then i worry about things, which is never fun, so i go and do present value calculations for finance, or brainstorm ideas for sales presentations. marketing whiz am i. it's funny to think i could actually make it in this field, i could be good at something, i could have a "career"
i talked to my dad last night. he sounds really tired, i'm worried about him. he's getting old. i'm glad he is graduating from school in may and that he's going to move back to oklahoma. serene as california may be, it's hard on his marriage and his health. i do get to catch a glimpse before he returns. it's funny that he has lived there for four years and i have never visited, but i'll be there in may for his graduation, which is a week after mine. oh, the irony.
birthday next week. all i can think of is that stupid blink 182 song -
"nobody likes you when you're twenty-three"
good excuse to get drunk at least (like i need one) as aforementioned, party the night of the 7th, technically the day after my birthday, but on the 6th i have to pick up Andre from the airport so festivities are not an option. i'll be too busy getting play.
boo-yah
flip's tonight was fun - i haven't had wine since last spring, nostalgia for overseas.
i feel funky, but at least it is a functional kind of weird, i'm getting stuff done to a point at which i have never been before. if i'm not working on something for school, or consulting, or looking for a job - i feel useless. and then i worry about things, which is never fun, so i go and do present value calculations for finance, or brainstorm ideas for sales presentations. marketing whiz am i. it's funny to think i could actually make it in this field, i could be good at something, i could have a "career"
i talked to my dad last night. he sounds really tired, i'm worried about him. he's getting old. i'm glad he is graduating from school in may and that he's going to move back to oklahoma. serene as california may be, it's hard on his marriage and his health. i do get to catch a glimpse before he returns. it's funny that he has lived there for four years and i have never visited, but i'll be there in may for his graduation, which is a week after mine. oh, the irony.
birthday next week. all i can think of is that stupid blink 182 song -
"nobody likes you when you're twenty-three"
good excuse to get drunk at least (like i need one) as aforementioned, party the night of the 7th, technically the day after my birthday, but on the 6th i have to pick up Andre from the airport so festivities are not an option. i'll be too busy getting play.
boo-yah
Tuesday, January 28, 2003
Wow. My corporate finance book might as well be in chinese for all I'm understanding it. Now I remember why this is the third time I've started off a semester in this class - no dropping this time. Graduation is a must.
I had my resume critiqued today by the resume guru in Career Services, and the only problems she had was with the physical formatting. Everything I had written out (job descriptions, skills, etc) she said was right on target. This made me happy - when I heard her speak to a large group last semester she said no one every came in with a resume in which the wording didn't have to be changed. So thanks to Amy for helping me write it away back at the beginning of the summer.
Joe and Julie's baby is due on June 18, and it's a boy :) I get to be an aunt again! And I don't have to clean up barbie shoes this time!
My birthday is next Thursday. I'm thinking some form of informal gathering on Thursday afternoon, or perhaps a party on Friday night. Either way stay tuned for further details-
I had my resume critiqued today by the resume guru in Career Services, and the only problems she had was with the physical formatting. Everything I had written out (job descriptions, skills, etc) she said was right on target. This made me happy - when I heard her speak to a large group last semester she said no one every came in with a resume in which the wording didn't have to be changed. So thanks to Amy for helping me write it away back at the beginning of the summer.
Joe and Julie's baby is due on June 18, and it's a boy :) I get to be an aunt again! And I don't have to clean up barbie shoes this time!
My birthday is next Thursday. I'm thinking some form of informal gathering on Thursday afternoon, or perhaps a party on Friday night. Either way stay tuned for further details-
Monday, January 27, 2003
sign of the times
watching when harry met sally on TBS, which is showing a marathon of chick flicks in light of the superbowl festivities, and there is a scene where sally is having lunch with two of her girlfriends. they're arguing over the absence of good single men in new york, and the married friend says "they're still out there - i got one, sally got one!" and the other woman replies "yeah, sally got the last good one." then sally admits that she and her boyfriend of five years broke up a few days before. after establishing that she isn't that upset about it, the single friend says "good, you're ready." and pulls a giant rolodex 'o single guys out of her purse.
life before palm pilots. funny funny funny.
and could someone please explain
why only ONE side of my nose has been stuffed up all weekend? just the right, never the left. only the right. stuffy noses never come in full swing. i remember once at a yoga demonstration in high school the instructor told us that most people breathe out of one side of their nose at a time, and that reflects which side of their brain they are currently using. breathing with the left side of the nose = using the right side of the brain. the right side of my nose is dysfunctional, does that indicate that the left side of my brain is on strike?
watching when harry met sally on TBS, which is showing a marathon of chick flicks in light of the superbowl festivities, and there is a scene where sally is having lunch with two of her girlfriends. they're arguing over the absence of good single men in new york, and the married friend says "they're still out there - i got one, sally got one!" and the other woman replies "yeah, sally got the last good one." then sally admits that she and her boyfriend of five years broke up a few days before. after establishing that she isn't that upset about it, the single friend says "good, you're ready." and pulls a giant rolodex 'o single guys out of her purse.
life before palm pilots. funny funny funny.
and could someone please explain
why only ONE side of my nose has been stuffed up all weekend? just the right, never the left. only the right. stuffy noses never come in full swing. i remember once at a yoga demonstration in high school the instructor told us that most people breathe out of one side of their nose at a time, and that reflects which side of their brain they are currently using. breathing with the left side of the nose = using the right side of the brain. the right side of my nose is dysfunctional, does that indicate that the left side of my brain is on strike?
Friday, January 24, 2003
i hab a cold.
it's funny how when all you've had to eat all day is two chicken soft tacos, that one tiny pristine white russian, to be consumed while reading random journals, will knock you on your ass. i like the floaty feeling - i think i will have another.
he called when he got my last email, and he is excited for the visit. i love the accent, just muttled enough to be endearing. he even calls it "wodka" -
television whiles away the long nights alone.
he called when he got my last email, and he is excited for the visit. i love the accent, just muttled enough to be endearing. he even calls it "wodka" -
television whiles away the long nights alone.
Thursday, January 23, 2003
haHA guess who will have a guest! in two weeks! german boy is flying in, to see ME, on my birthday.
ROOOOOOOCK!
on Sunday night I hung out with Avi, and while we were sitting in the deli I ran down a list of things I'd been considering, because Avi is always my great decision maker/breaker. and he said a whopping big fat 'no!' to me flying to atlanta to see said german boy because a) it was too expensive and b) for once the guy should make the effort, and look what happened. avi rules. other things we decided - it would have been so much cooler if now it was aaron and brad instead of matt and brad (something about matt being fucked in the "goat ass") but then we still had a cheers to aaron in orlando - because it is there he appears to be thriving. huzzah...
happy happy me.
ROOOOOOOCK!
on Sunday night I hung out with Avi, and while we were sitting in the deli I ran down a list of things I'd been considering, because Avi is always my great decision maker/breaker. and he said a whopping big fat 'no!' to me flying to atlanta to see said german boy because a) it was too expensive and b) for once the guy should make the effort, and look what happened. avi rules. other things we decided - it would have been so much cooler if now it was aaron and brad instead of matt and brad (something about matt being fucked in the "goat ass") but then we still had a cheers to aaron in orlando - because it is there he appears to be thriving. huzzah...
happy happy me.
Tuesday, January 21, 2003
WOW i still haven't even gotten dressed yet. so much for being productive -
the for rent sign has been posted, perhaps i will have a neighbor soon. god please give me a neighbor. i hate construction.
i was in a phooey mood today, but i feel better after doing some distracting things. i drove to my favorite greasy spoon dive in moore and ate a nice burger for about $3.75, and listened to state troopers lament lazy new partners. the syrup to soda water ratio in the dr. pepper was perfect. after that was home and a half-way restringing of the guitar, then laughing at how pissed i got when i couldn't find the other box of strings that i SWEAR TO GOD i purchased from campus joe just a month or so ago. i lose things a lot. it is silly. then i read all my old emails - i really should recontact some of those cute english guys - (and a nice new mail was there for me too, Mmm) and my faith in life is renewed. wait ten minutes, i'll be pissed and depressed again. i have no faith in anyone, myself included. how sad is that.
sleep - 9am class. can't be late. the professor won't wait.. ( not even for cute girls named,
kate.
p.s. curtis still rules.
i was in a phooey mood today, but i feel better after doing some distracting things. i drove to my favorite greasy spoon dive in moore and ate a nice burger for about $3.75, and listened to state troopers lament lazy new partners. the syrup to soda water ratio in the dr. pepper was perfect. after that was home and a half-way restringing of the guitar, then laughing at how pissed i got when i couldn't find the other box of strings that i SWEAR TO GOD i purchased from campus joe just a month or so ago. i lose things a lot. it is silly. then i read all my old emails - i really should recontact some of those cute english guys - (and a nice new mail was there for me too, Mmm) and my faith in life is renewed. wait ten minutes, i'll be pissed and depressed again. i have no faith in anyone, myself included. how sad is that.
sleep - 9am class. can't be late. the professor won't wait.. ( not even for cute girls named,
kate.
p.s. curtis still rules.
Monday, January 20, 2003
today they are sanding the floor upstairs. it makes a neat whooooooooooooosh sound across my ceiling.
first time to have (literally) touched my guitar since my last lesson a few months back,
and it feels good.
bing!
and it feels good.
bing!
Sunday, January 19, 2003
natural endorphine release from swimming is amazing. i did ten more laps this time, and i once i figured out how to breathe without getting water up my nose, life was good. the illz played last night at the opolis, and they rocked. it was funny when my friend was asking me what type of music they play, and i said 'oh it's live drum 'n bass' and he didn't believe me, so he asked george, and george said, 'oh, it's live drum 'n bass!' that made me giggle. godd good stuff. they had a dj spin between sets, and nobody danced. i want to live in a place where people would dance...
Friday, January 17, 2003
i am in a pissy mood. there are a number of reasons. i just hung out with mom, and it was a typical mother-daughter day, i.e. she pissed me off about silly things. my stupid ghetto nails are gone, because i took them off, and my nails underneath are all scuzzy and frail. i will never have naturally pretty nails. my hair also looks dumb, and i lost my contact, so i have to wear my glasses around. i look dumb in my glasses. i have six bills and i've already spend my rent+bills money for the month. and i don't have a boy. and i want a cigarette. and i haven't eaten much today because i haven't been hungry, and last night i slept for 14 hours because i had nothing better to do.
now each and every one of these reasons is trivial, stupid, and changeable. they make me a whiny self-centered little girl. and this just pisses me off even more. grrrrRRRRRRRrrrrrrrRRRRRrrrrrr.
but i'll get over it eventually. tomorrow i'll wake up feeling just fine for absolutely no reason. i wish i could figure out why it is that i am randomly in a bad mood about 40% of the time. why why why.
so now i will go smoke some cigarettes, because hey guess what, i started smoking again, and drink some cheap gross drinks at a cheap gross bar, because that is all i can think of that is worthwhile to do.
don't feel sorry, that will piss me off even more. i'll get over it. tomorrow i'll go swim more laps, 5 more then last time is my goal, and then i'll do some school work. i will survive. i'll be a grown up, eventually...
now each and every one of these reasons is trivial, stupid, and changeable. they make me a whiny self-centered little girl. and this just pisses me off even more. grrrrRRRRRRRrrrrrrrRRRRRrrrrrr.
but i'll get over it eventually. tomorrow i'll wake up feeling just fine for absolutely no reason. i wish i could figure out why it is that i am randomly in a bad mood about 40% of the time. why why why.
so now i will go smoke some cigarettes, because hey guess what, i started smoking again, and drink some cheap gross drinks at a cheap gross bar, because that is all i can think of that is worthwhile to do.
don't feel sorry, that will piss me off even more. i'll get over it. tomorrow i'll go swim more laps, 5 more then last time is my goal, and then i'll do some school work. i will survive. i'll be a grown up, eventually...
Thursday, January 16, 2003
i love that thursday is my last day of class. if i wanted to, tomorrow, i could sleep all day long and not feel much worse for wear. i will be responsible and hopefully drag my ass out of bed before noon, and get schoolwork done, but we'll see how it goes. homework for the weekend so far, two chapters of finance reading + problems. chapter reading + short paper on my musical 'identity' for world music. research for my independant study. fun stuff! today i met with one of the bigwigs for the company i'm going to be working for (universal chemical, if anyone is interested) and it's going to be difficult, but of course 'educational' - which is the most important part. kate will be a branding guru.
other items of note - finished deathtrap last night, good movie. check it out. hung out with ty, always a nice chill evening. he's going to throw some work to me as a marketing consultant for his company (roofing company based out of edmond), and i must say, consulting pay is definately tolerable. all those lame sales classes will pay off in the end i suppose.
rick and i broke up a week ago, and haven't really talked since except one brief phone conversation and an awkward run-in at the library. i sent him an email about something, and now all the pent up frustrations are coming to light. he writes snippy comments, i write snippy responses. this is so ludicrous. we are both above it, and we had something great, and it makes me sick what it has been reduced to. i said as such in the most recent installment, and perhaps my evaluation will snap him out of his accusatory mode. i may have dumped him, but it was mutual, damnit. why do they always try to make me out as the bitch? i just don't get it.
blah. "breakin' up is hard to do..."
other items of note - finished deathtrap last night, good movie. check it out. hung out with ty, always a nice chill evening. he's going to throw some work to me as a marketing consultant for his company (roofing company based out of edmond), and i must say, consulting pay is definately tolerable. all those lame sales classes will pay off in the end i suppose.
rick and i broke up a week ago, and haven't really talked since except one brief phone conversation and an awkward run-in at the library. i sent him an email about something, and now all the pent up frustrations are coming to light. he writes snippy comments, i write snippy responses. this is so ludicrous. we are both above it, and we had something great, and it makes me sick what it has been reduced to. i said as such in the most recent installment, and perhaps my evaluation will snap him out of his accusatory mode. i may have dumped him, but it was mutual, damnit. why do they always try to make me out as the bitch? i just don't get it.
blah. "breakin' up is hard to do..."
Wednesday, January 15, 2003
my arms are going to fall off. swimming is harder then it looks. water up the nose! constantly!
the german emailed me, cutest thing ever - check this out:
hi kate,
thanks for your email and sorry that my reply has been taking so long. i was from friday until yesterday working onsite a tradeshow - that kept me quite busy. how is university? hopefully exciting. the jobs you could to sound quite
good, except entering information into databases. such work is very boring and suck. atlanta is okay, it is as all big cities, but weather is too cold right now. that's why we are going to miami for the weekend. we take friday off and leave tomorrow right after work. i am looking forward to put my butt in the sun... you are always invited, if you want to come to atlanta. specially when your fridays are off.
isn't that funny? wish i'd known sooner, i'd be so miami bound being that this is a four-day weekend. off to class i go...
the german emailed me, cutest thing ever - check this out:
hi kate,
thanks for your email and sorry that my reply has been taking so long. i was from friday until yesterday working onsite a tradeshow - that kept me quite busy. how is university? hopefully exciting. the jobs you could to sound quite
good, except entering information into databases. such work is very boring and suck. atlanta is okay, it is as all big cities, but weather is too cold right now. that's why we are going to miami for the weekend. we take friday off and leave tomorrow right after work. i am looking forward to put my butt in the sun... you are always invited, if you want to come to atlanta. specially when your fridays are off.
isn't that funny? wish i'd known sooner, i'd be so miami bound being that this is a four-day weekend. off to class i go...
Tuesday, January 14, 2003
tomorrow's topic of discussion in world music: "What is Music? How does music make me who I am?"
Hah neat! The teacher is a percussion professor! That's even neater!
And get this, I'm going to swim laps tomorrow. No lie.
Hah neat! The teacher is a percussion professor! That's even neater!
And get this, I'm going to swim laps tomorrow. No lie.
Monday, January 13, 2003
hooray for school! and people to talk to!
hooray!
hooray!
can't sleeeeeeeeeeep. i may eat my leftover cheese pizza from the library, i may not. i read, but it was boring. even considering i was trying to spead cream cheese on triscuits while holding the paper-back steady, i still was not throughly entertained. i watched tv, but there is nothing on. 3 channels of soft-core porn, crummy quasi-pop music videos, and as good as it gets, which i own on tape. now for five minutes i will be mildly tamed by the satisfying clicky noise of fingernails on keyboard, and perhaps contemplation of what i will wear to class tomorrow, but otherwise i'm at a loss folks. i need to learn to surf the internet. i never actually look at websites outside of friends journals, and normanmusicscene.com, and maybe okclive.com if i'm feeling frisky. two baths have already been taken. too late for noisy guitar or mini xylophone. cleaned everything that could be cleaned. bike ride? moonlit walk? i'm stretched out here people. it's even too late to go the deli, my one rock solid standby. sigh. perhaps write a letter, ages since vanessa or jenny heard from the likes of me. alas but one side effect of being bored is that everything you can possibly think of to do sounds boring.
bored
bored
bored
!
bored
bored
bored
!
and...
tonight started watching deathtrap, Sydney Lumet flick, with a friend. we got about an hour into the film, to be completed later this week. pretty good stuff. funny how you can just tell when a movie is an adaptation from a play (style of dialogue, set layout); where else on the earth would you see Christopher Reeve kiss Michael Cain? and i wonder what it is that compels men to comment on women's anatomy - my male movie-watching companion felt compelled to point out the lady's nice "rack," and then i couldn't stop staring at the poor actress's breasts for the remainder of the viewing. but despite, cheers to good company and entertainment in the face of an otherwise dull and prosy day.
tonight started watching deathtrap, Sydney Lumet flick, with a friend. we got about an hour into the film, to be completed later this week. pretty good stuff. funny how you can just tell when a movie is an adaptation from a play (style of dialogue, set layout); where else on the earth would you see Christopher Reeve kiss Michael Cain? and i wonder what it is that compels men to comment on women's anatomy - my male movie-watching companion felt compelled to point out the lady's nice "rack," and then i couldn't stop staring at the poor actress's breasts for the remainder of the viewing. but despite, cheers to good company and entertainment in the face of an otherwise dull and prosy day.
Sunday, January 12, 2003
wacked off the hair! the gods have been appeased. last night was mucho fun despite, or perhaps because of, the lack of audience. as adam so aptly put it - "raise the roof!" (hua hua) we danced the night away.
anywho. i like this teeny-tiny font.
school tomorrow! can't believe it. don't know what I'll do all day, my first class isn't until the afternoon. walk around campus, sit in la baguette... eat pepe's! endless possibilities.
crazy dreams linger on
as i face an empty dawn
with no end to it all can i see
for i should reach the end
lost your love to a friend
just another crazy dream for me
(sing it, patsy)
anywho. i like this teeny-tiny font.
school tomorrow! can't believe it. don't know what I'll do all day, my first class isn't until the afternoon. walk around campus, sit in la baguette... eat pepe's! endless possibilities.
crazy dreams linger on
as i face an empty dawn
with no end to it all can i see
for i should reach the end
lost your love to a friend
just another crazy dream for me
(sing it, patsy)
Thursday, January 09, 2003
so much for love
ups and downsy past few days. rick and i called it quits officially last night, very amiably, and i leave the union rest assured i have a friend when needed. that boy has seattle on the brain, he'll be there soon, and best of luck to him.
other news from the fighting front..
today had a nice nummy lunch with an old friend (old? is two years old? feels like it.) and then went and bounced around campus applying for campus jobs. let's see, what did i find? - natural history museum, fine arts' dean's office, advanced enrollment office, and one other one i forget that didn't even require a resume. we'll see what turns up - my cover letters were impeccable and the availability of jobs has left me with high hopes. ran into Rich playing tech in the union lab, we had a nice chat, and then caught up with Mollie tending the booth when i pulled out of the garage. god bless her, haven't seen that girl in ages, glad she is alive and well. ready ready ready for school to start on monday! i'm rolling into that early semester high i have each term, where the world is my oyster. it's the last one, i better make it good.
john hughes is a genius. i will never get enough of his flicks, pretty in pink, case in point currently - rented it earlier this week and has played twice so far. next in line i think is some kind of wonderful. eric stoltz (sp?) was such a hottie back in the day.
this little light of mine, i'm gonna let it shine.
the pistol arrows are no more, official name change to "The Candles" - (has received mixed reviews) - and they're playing in the city on Saturday night. yippee for shows, shows are always good.
HELP
does ANYONE want to buy my digi cam? half.com has led to whole lot of nothing. it's in great shape. nikon coolpix775 - read about it and if you is interested let me know.
ups and downsy past few days. rick and i called it quits officially last night, very amiably, and i leave the union rest assured i have a friend when needed. that boy has seattle on the brain, he'll be there soon, and best of luck to him.
other news from the fighting front..
today had a nice nummy lunch with an old friend (old? is two years old? feels like it.) and then went and bounced around campus applying for campus jobs. let's see, what did i find? - natural history museum, fine arts' dean's office, advanced enrollment office, and one other one i forget that didn't even require a resume. we'll see what turns up - my cover letters were impeccable and the availability of jobs has left me with high hopes. ran into Rich playing tech in the union lab, we had a nice chat, and then caught up with Mollie tending the booth when i pulled out of the garage. god bless her, haven't seen that girl in ages, glad she is alive and well. ready ready ready for school to start on monday! i'm rolling into that early semester high i have each term, where the world is my oyster. it's the last one, i better make it good.
john hughes is a genius. i will never get enough of his flicks, pretty in pink, case in point currently - rented it earlier this week and has played twice so far. next in line i think is some kind of wonderful. eric stoltz (sp?) was such a hottie back in the day.
this little light of mine, i'm gonna let it shine.
the pistol arrows are no more, official name change to "The Candles" - (has received mixed reviews) - and they're playing in the city on Saturday night. yippee for shows, shows are always good.
HELP
does ANYONE want to buy my digi cam? half.com has led to whole lot of nothing. it's in great shape. nikon coolpix775 - read about it and if you is interested let me know.
Tuesday, January 07, 2003
german boy sms'ed me. i rule.
Sunday, January 05, 2003
Leben ist gut.
today is laundry, and then lord of the rings to myself as a treat. for what? i don't know. but i want a treat damnit. wonder whatever happen to that random ticket i had janke buy and then never used? i hope someone got to see it, suck if it just went to waste.
shawn's puppy is the cutest in the universe.
mathilde left today and i didn't say goodbye. guilty? a smidge, but not much. as my mom says - 'going on vacation is when you really discover what a person is like.' my only regret, she has the picture of me with the hot german guy. sigh. hope she does have a safe trip back to amsterdam, it'll be a long one.
off i go.
today is laundry, and then lord of the rings to myself as a treat. for what? i don't know. but i want a treat damnit. wonder whatever happen to that random ticket i had janke buy and then never used? i hope someone got to see it, suck if it just went to waste.
shawn's puppy is the cutest in the universe.
mathilde left today and i didn't say goodbye. guilty? a smidge, but not much. as my mom says - 'going on vacation is when you really discover what a person is like.' my only regret, she has the picture of me with the hot german guy. sigh. hope she does have a safe trip back to amsterdam, it'll be a long one.
off i go.
Saturday, January 04, 2003
nails...check (i am now officially 'ghetto' - long and pinky white)
clean closet/bag stuff to be donated...check - bye bye new balance sneakers and the long black skirt i wore to the first day of school in the 12th grade
hair and eyebrows...appointed for monday night
grocery shopping still to be done, with the all important addition of laundry, and cleaning the floors.
there is a robin williams special on at 9:30 on HBO. this will be the highlight of my evening, that, and perhaps the free chicken parmesan
today teri and i took her two sons to the natural history museum. that place is pretty bad ass, and not to mention if you're a student, free. then we ate braum's, and the little two year old got chocolate ice cream ALL OVER his face and his t-shirt. he would scream whenever we made eye contact, which was pretty funny. kids are cool in small doses.
i took a shower but i still feel dirty. hmm.
clean closet/bag stuff to be donated...check - bye bye new balance sneakers and the long black skirt i wore to the first day of school in the 12th grade
hair and eyebrows...appointed for monday night
grocery shopping still to be done, with the all important addition of laundry, and cleaning the floors.
there is a robin williams special on at 9:30 on HBO. this will be the highlight of my evening, that, and perhaps the free chicken parmesan
today teri and i took her two sons to the natural history museum. that place is pretty bad ass, and not to mention if you're a student, free. then we ate braum's, and the little two year old got chocolate ice cream ALL OVER his face and his t-shirt. he would scream whenever we made eye contact, which was pretty funny. kids are cool in small doses.
i took a shower but i still feel dirty. hmm.
i'm stuck with cravings to be other people. a constant internal battle, stand out or fit in? stand out or fit in? be something. what? interesting - beautiful? it doesn't make any sense. none of it makes any sense. i wish i could tell the people that plague my thoughts to just fuck off and be done with it. wouldn't it be nice? only me holding myself back though. only me. these personal revelations are making me incredibly cynical, just tired of not getting it i guess. tired of not fitting in, even with the misfits, where i always figured i belonged. all these constant social pressures to do this and be that because i don't want to be alone. even now, write something cute, be insightful, be memorable, and then someone will care. riiiiiiiiiiiight.
Friday, January 03, 2003
and so the lovely constructioners upstairs again have me out of bed before 9 :) god bless the day that remodeling is done, and whoever moves into that soon to be bad-ass apartment better be cute/and or fun/and or be someone cool to drink tea with in afternoons when i am bored. in addition to watching 'sorority life' on mtv, i've been mentally going over things i would like to do before school gets back (fascinating stuff) which goes as follows:
get nails done, eyebrows waxed, and haircut (high maintenance lady)
buy clothes - new boots, specifically. and funky tights so i can wear my skirts more often.
clean out closet and give unworn stuff to charity (anybody want some size 9 blue suede platformy converse one stars?)
sell my crummy mountain bike and buy a cruiser - that is actually tall enough for me
grocery shop
neat huh? more interest additions to come, i assure you.
get nails done, eyebrows waxed, and haircut (high maintenance lady)
buy clothes - new boots, specifically. and funky tights so i can wear my skirts more often.
clean out closet and give unworn stuff to charity (anybody want some size 9 blue suede platformy converse one stars?)
sell my crummy mountain bike and buy a cruiser - that is actually tall enough for me
grocery shop
neat huh? more interest additions to come, i assure you.
bah, lonely. my apartment is so friggin' cold after being closed to the world these last six days. the gas bill will soar again this month, i foresee. nice loooooooooooong drive today back from the south. surprised we made it in one piece, 10+ hours all told with two one-hour stops in Alexandria, LA and Tyler, TX. Dallas was a living driving nightmare. I was not born to drive, and especially not in big city traffic. I miss the buses I would ride in Lund, where I could just smile down placidly at all the frustrated volvo drivers below me. This time last year I was in such a frenzy of packing and last minute preparations and this year the empty i'm-not-going-anywhere-special feeling persists. Such lack of interest has entered into all my contacts lately - reminds me of something I heard on television, "you wouldn't worry so much about what other people thought of you if you realized how little they actually did." sad but true.
anyone else even been on bourbon street? do i need to say that it is PSYCHOTIC? especially on new year's eve. we made it back in one piece, miserable after fighting in a club, but alive. nearly crushed in the crowds of people. i'm tall but rather frail to such onslaughts. the heinekin's were $6, but I found a cute German guy to trade drinks and european stories with. he bought me corono in exchange, yum yum. the two nights out before - 29th and 30th - were much tamer and much more fun. out until the wee hours of dawn, dancing and talking to our hearts content. and eating free krispy kreme, god bless krispy kreme. talented street performers. more psychics then i knew had ever lived. on the first day, while mathilde was emailing in an internet cafe, i gazed off into a dreamland where i lived there in the french quarter, out of the way - say northeast by st. peter's or so, and i could look just as i liked, with dreds, a pierced eyebrow, and my trailing skirts that i have to hide in the closet, and i would play guitar in the streets to the passing masses, and have a cute celtic gothy boyfriend. enough lortabs to satisfy me. i'd be just as i was at eighteen, all over again - punkish, without a care in the world.
oh fuck college, this damn apartment and my damn car and my damn "responsibility" ... fuck convention. i've been reading chuck palahniuk and i'm in a rebellious mood. let's go rampage the city and have sex in a burning car.
anyone else even been on bourbon street? do i need to say that it is PSYCHOTIC? especially on new year's eve. we made it back in one piece, miserable after fighting in a club, but alive. nearly crushed in the crowds of people. i'm tall but rather frail to such onslaughts. the heinekin's were $6, but I found a cute German guy to trade drinks and european stories with. he bought me corono in exchange, yum yum. the two nights out before - 29th and 30th - were much tamer and much more fun. out until the wee hours of dawn, dancing and talking to our hearts content. and eating free krispy kreme, god bless krispy kreme. talented street performers. more psychics then i knew had ever lived. on the first day, while mathilde was emailing in an internet cafe, i gazed off into a dreamland where i lived there in the french quarter, out of the way - say northeast by st. peter's or so, and i could look just as i liked, with dreds, a pierced eyebrow, and my trailing skirts that i have to hide in the closet, and i would play guitar in the streets to the passing masses, and have a cute celtic gothy boyfriend. enough lortabs to satisfy me. i'd be just as i was at eighteen, all over again - punkish, without a care in the world.
oh fuck college, this damn apartment and my damn car and my damn "responsibility" ... fuck convention. i've been reading chuck palahniuk and i'm in a rebellious mood. let's go rampage the city and have sex in a burning car.
