krink

keebler brand grasshopper fudge mint cookies are almost as good as girl scouts thin mints... almost.
why is it that all the digital cameras i want are $399 in the stores, and only $299 online? either way, i'm getting a nikon 775.
if you're a girl shopping in an electronics store you get IGNORED.
i really would like a pea coat from j crew. they are so pretty.
it takes 1 and 1/2 hours to cook a braum's family size lasagna. when you are to serve dinner at 8, and you don't start preheating the oven until 7:30, this does not work.
but all of no matter, for the sound of music is on tv, and tomorrow i have dinner at janke's AND a pistol arrows show to look forward too. huzzah!

oh temptations abound! i received a stupid advertising email that has all the new holiday make-up displayed from sephora's website. so if anyone wants to buy me a present... (picture kate batting eyelashes *here*) anything from the stila holiday line would suffice :) oh oh or the urban decay lipstick in "gash".. it's a deep metallic red that compliments all skin tones!

make-up. sigh.

i placed my first official bid on ebay today. $100 for a canon powershot A20... i imagine cascades of snowy mountains, and shopping at ikea, and beautiful blonde europeans. eternalized by a beautiful new digital camera. i want a digital camera! the snow has melted, i should drive to best buy. or target has the new canon elph's.

this afternoon i accomplished three things:
1. i made a snow angel
2. i wrote my name in the snow
3. i set my backpack on fire on karen's stove

this killed my headphones, and my backpack, and almost killed all my business law notes. ALMOST. whew.

i'm reading all these amazing detailed stories from my 'interesting reads' links.. and wondering how it is that these people can put up so clearly just exactly how it is that they feel. i think it is only once in a great while i am able to touch on something even close to the caliber of their writing. maybe because i'm wary of placing personal thoughts up, because of all the people who read my page. but then again, if so many people read it, then i would probably get more responses to things. or perhaps no responses because nothing worth responding to? we'll see i suppose.

last night i had another occurance of (feeling that i was) not being wanted anymore. and someone will say that that isn't the way it really is, that i lack perspective on the situation, but that's the way i see it. it always seems to end in such a way, not being wanted. it's like i'm disposable. and it's happened so many times, i'm starting to see a pattern. that is not a good thing because it will affect my future encounters. each time i get burned, the next one i let in just a little bit less. i don't easily open up to anyone anymore, it's just easier to keep things to myself most of the time. but then i end up lying in bed at 3 in morning, alone, curled up and crying, and i wonder, what happened to me?

i know i'm a good person, and i know i have good friends. but i have such a hard time reaching out to them when i really need someone to be there for me. i just feel as though i would be a burden, because i need people so much. if i asked them every time, they would soon tire of my neediness. so i just keep it to myself usually and stay and be sad by myself. but i want to have friends around me. i want people to stop by and see me, and i want people to call. but i guess i don't feel that i'm worthy of that. i wish i could stop assuming that i know how people feel towards me, because i know that isn't fair to them.

but then there are times when i do take courage and dial the phone or stop by the apartment of some friend... when i'm feeling down. i always feel bad to ask for help, but then there is someone there on the other end who makes me feel better. i just wish i could remember that things can end for the better when i'm feeling down!

there is always tomorrow. tomorrows when you wake up with snow coating the ground, and tomorrows when you know that soon you'll be in europe, and tomorrows when everything seems like it will be just fine!

wow! 6 inches (give or take) of snow on the ground! and it's still coming! we're out of milk. it's my turn to shop, but i'm afraid it going to stay empty unless someone wants to come take me to the store. I haven't moved my car in two days and I have a feeling it's buried. the snow ate my car!

good times last night by way of a number 9 cold and ambassador bill show at the deli. it was fun to see ali play her squeezebox. and dance to some space grass. rock 'n roll!

ahhh it's a bit past noon and i just woke up. i love having no class on tuesday/thursday. things to do today: study business law, shop for digital cameras, eat some ice cream (in honor of the snow).

oh the weather outside is frightful / but the fire is so delightful / since we've no place to go / let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

ok in search through random blogs i just read one by a woman named pixie who has many small similarities to a friend of mine.. namely, a husband named juan, and a friend named DR. this is very creepy. but an interesting blog, about kitties, and kitties are always nice.

testing new web-based comments thingie. the email link wasn't working to well for me... so click and give it a go.

sometimes when it doesn't work,
over and over and over again,
you just quit trying.
o well.

today was a productive day! the line at the post office was horribly long, this is how i know. i have to have all my christmas cards mailed by December 17. one more thing for my list... and i restrung my guitar and now i can magically play barre chords. i think it's because i bought light gague stings this time. (gague... gauge? whatever.)

there are already hordes of us camping out on the 4th floor of the library. someone was at my favorite desk tonight! phoo on them and their little binging laptop. it's officially crunch time. two weeks to the beginning of the end of it all, and then snowy cascades and serene water fronts for me. who's hungry? fridge raid! there is left-over stuffing and mashed potatos calling to me from the little avacado green tupperware container behind the milk...

thanks to janke's links and goldbug's suggestions... the camera search has been narrowed to 5 options i have to now find and play with. canon powershot A20, canon powershot s100 elph, olympus D510-zoom, sony cybershot DSCP50, and the nikon coolpix 775. who wants to go to electronics stores and play with me?

all about my thanksgiving break! wednesday spent snoozing on the couch after a pilgrimage to eckerd's for cold medicine and a harry potter book. i am finally feeling better. thursday was turkey turkey turkey all day then two different locations of friends playing trivial pursuit.. the first stop was sober and intellectual, the second stop was stoned and drunk. but both games were fun to play. friday was shopping day with janke. down comforters, bouncing on beds in dillards, and feeding my dad's fish. oh and eating sala thai, yummy! saturday was game day MADNESS. i can not believe how loud and anouncer-like I sounding screeching from the front of the bagel place on campus corner. every time the "walk" sign lit up on Boyd I started yelling my schpeal about the DVD. lots of funny looks from passers by.. and lots of smiles. it was fun, and jason kept buying me beer. that definately made it easier. my favorite line was, "this DVD is so good, we've even got the oklahoma state fans buying 'em!" and then I would go into the years and sound like an auctioneer. "we've got... 1950..1954..1955..1974..1975..1985.. and the 2000 Naaaaaaaaaaaational Championship seasooooooooon!" I'm going to see if the Oklahoma Discount Furniture guy will give me a job making commercials. I would rock the furniture world.

and thanks to my endeavors this afternoon there is now a pretty christmas tree at my mommy's house.

41 days.

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Very High
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	High
Antisocial:	High
Borderline:	Very High
Histrionic:	High
Narcissistic:	High
Avoidant:	High
Dependent:	High
Obsessive-Compulsive:	High
-- Click Here To Take The Test --

my computer i think has been smoking when i'm not around. what other explanation for being so incredibly slow...
phoo on modems.

excerpt of letter from katie, a girl i emailed, who was in lund last fall:

"You'll need a shower curtain for the shower -- I went to IKEA to get one once I got there."

Aaron! they have an IKEA store! within training distance! i am in heaven.

43 DAYS!!!

1. tulsa university has a search page.
2. consequently, or perhaps in spite of, i make michael nervous.

but we still had fun at the deli.
hi michael!

so full.
oh so full.
now need company to drive with me to my dad's for a fish feeding extravaganza. but everyone is gone! sigh.

beautiful things last night by way of a jacob fred show at the deli. my pal and I had to wait about 15 minutes for someone to leave so they'd let us in, but it was worth it. groovy beats. one girl was wearing a wife beater with "god bless afghanistan" written across her back. and two of the guys from cujunto clave/ the illz made a playing appearance with the haas boys. it was pretty cool.

now thanksgiving. two dinners for me tomorrow, noon at my mom's best friend's house, and 5pm at my brother's fiancee's parents house. confusing family connections equal lots and lots of turkey for me. and then my mom and i have a date to watch the mick jaggar special on ABC. perfect day!

i really have been different since i moved out here - withdrawn but less serious. Just keeping my love to myself i guess. i dunno.

aspirations of what i hope to be?
beautiful things...
i hope to see.
soon i will be gone from this town
out and free
dancing around.
most will not notice
the day i am gone
but free i will be.
lost across the sea.

49 days.

sniffles and sneezes. i have a cold.
i keep checking my email, but if i don't write to anyone, why would anyone write to me? lonely side-effects i suppose.
it costs $50 to register for post adoption services in the state of texas. this for any non-identifying they may or may not have about my birth parents on file. lots of dough for something that might not even work! but that's when you get when you only know the city and the date of your birth... i am a riddle wrapped in a mystery wrapped in an enigma.

i might be wrong [live recordings] - radiohead
baduizm - erykah badu
the miseducation of lauryn hill - lauryn hill

the results of a cd zone pilgrimage this afternoon. and raspberry tea at la baguette... mmm yummy.

adventures in livejournal and online translators and not attending class.
here is what i've learned today. i will certainly soon be having...
fantastiska äventyr i Sverige.

underbar! ett besök på långvården...

my mom and i do NOT get along so well. phoo.
this is because she has a messy house that i try to clean when i go home. and she gets frustrated because i'm "going through her stuff." which is ridiculous. her stuff is the dresser she used to share with my dad, still half full of my dad's old crap she won't touch, and half full of old credit card receipts and coupons and torn panty hose and loose change. yes she bought a blouse at neiman marcus in 1987. but does she really need the receipt? this is where i know there is no genetic connection... my real mom could not be that unorganized. and then she says, "don't do it, i'll do it" but if she DID do it, then why would there be shit from the early 70's gathering dust? and then is it really my concern, but i want my room back. i AM going to live there in another month. there are 3 bedrooms full of crap that soon will have to hold all of MY crap. the crap must be consolidated!
ugh. ugh. ugh.

funny comment, she tells me, "krink, all i expect of you [to bring back from sweden] is a volvo, and a fifty year old blonde guy named svenn"

she sucks sometimes but i still love my mom. how else would i have such a cool nickname?

when you go to bed at 11:30 on a saturday night, you wake up early early on sunday. early enough to consider attending mass, and definately early enough to load you car full of books, and a bookcase, and a stereo, and drive your ass home to mom in edmond.

TTFN!

it's a hot date between me and my cd player. and sore fingers on my guitar.
my apartment still smells like chicken alfredo.. you would think 3 hours of open windows would air it out a bit. lots and lots of leftovers either way. will i ever learn to eat? something besides cheesecake and pringles? goodness gracious.
i wonder if anywhere there is anything interesting going on. i suppose i could call people but then i'd have to find something to say.
so for now it's just me and saturday night live.

i am blaring buddy holly. will the neighbors think i'm strange?

whew! can 4 hours constitute having a long day? but I guess it's not over yet. I overslept really really bad this morning and it's thrown me all out of whack. I don't see how one lousy little business law lecture can have such an effect. At least stumbled into our company meeting on time, and we got some stuff done. Checked voicemail, 5 orders today. Dropped off one over at the Fred Jones museum, and then drove up to St. Anthony's for one, and Bricktown for another. I am a mobile delivery woman. It's dvd mania. And put out some promotions for our big Barry-signing Nov. 20 thing. Press releases to the Daily Oklahoman, Tulsa World, and Norman Transcript so far. Hope it pays off!

Tonight is community service at the Y... helping kiddies do arts and crafts. flashbacks of elementary school art class. Then hopefully harry potter! Don't be sold out!

We will roast tech tomorrow. boomer sooner.

jacod fred this coming tuesday at the deli...

the ladies room in Othello's has a condom machine.

the floodgates have opened. today received first of multiple DVD orders in da mailbox. so tomorrow it's off to the happy land of priority mail, and petty cash reimbursements. running a business is so much fun! our net income this week is $14,000, with another shipment of 1000 next week, we hope to clear about $40,000 by the close of business in December. go kate go.
Tuesday we're having an autographing session with Barry Switzer over at the Homeland on Lindsay, so all the lucky DVD purchasers can have them signed by the master coach himself. It's Tuesday the 20th, Homeland parking lot on Lindsay across from Classic 50's, from 11-3.

There's my advertisement for the day.

Last night was more pistol arrows yummy goodness courtsey the Bricktown Keys on the canal. It's turning out to be quite a pretty little piece of OKC. By the time I return from my adventures overseas I suspect it will be a pretty hip and happening place. And the show was kickin' as always. I've heard rumors they'll be playing again on December 1st, I'm assuming at the Deli? Boys (= eric, jeff, chance, DR) if you're reading, let me know where I am to go! I wonder will that be my last chance to hear them play? Oh, *sigh* I hope not.

Tonight I deal to some crazy group at a blackjack party. Remember, no insurance, double down on 11, and dealer stands on all 17's.

Have a fabulous day!

(in four-four time, triplets)
and off to the vista, i go, i go...
to drink lots of beer, i know, i know...
nate will soon be here, and so, and so...
it's off to the vista, i go, i go.

through the anxious feelings tight in my chest and the tears running down my cheeks i just repeat to myself over and over...
i'm going to europe
i'm going to europe
i'm going to europe
and i'm going to have a fabulous time.
i WILL have a good time.
I WILL!

curtis's link of the day: gay vs. eurotrash... you be the judge

for these kind of decisions i need to practice, as i will likely be confronted with such dilemas concerning european men.
and i thought of a mutual acquaintance of curtis's and mine, a m. blaine palmer... so i sent curt a photo and inquired of his opinion. is this particular specimen gay or eurotrash? and curtis thusly replied...

Lord, he looks gay. Maybe what happened is that you turned him around,
but he's concerned that his sexuality would ruin a long term
relationship with you. I think that could be likely as Kate, you are
that kind of woman

curtis rules.

amy's boyfriend brian had a hockey game yesterday, and someone skated over his hand, and cross-checked him in the back of the head with a stick.
so if you want to see some action, his team is playing the mean guy's team again in the playoffs. and brian is going to punch his face in on sight.
face mask or no face mask.

ugh norman regional at 9 at night with a concussion is NOT fun. this is why i do not date hockey players. bless amy for her tolerance of violence. and bless brian's broken head. ouch.

amy tells me that by this time a trip to the hospital is no big deal. she knows the ropes. this from playing hockey since she was 17.
(and i thought i was bad ass from being in the army)

amy rules.

i am tired.
tired of wondering, and suspecting, and worrying
about things.
all the time.
why do i persist in worrying?
concerning myself with things that aren't really my concern.

i am a poet,
who does not know it.
i wrote a haiku...

accidentally.
and then consequently,
how did they notice?

when i was a little girl, my mom would always sing a little song as we pulled into the driveway
home again home again jiggedy jog

chris: you up for partying tonight?
kate: -shrug-
chris: we haven't fuckin hung out in forever!
kate: (to herself) and i wonder why that is?
chris: (to the crowd of edmondites) let's shoot some jager!
crowd: -hoots and hollers-

my friends are so fake.
that's why i walked home alone.
p.s. hosty duo kicked ass.

clean shiney wet skin. warm bathrobes. chocolate milkshakes.

give me a reason... to love you...

today i ate a turkey pistrami (sp?) sandwich and raked the yard with my dad.
i picked up my passport from and cleaned house for my mom.
now i'm home eating drive-thru from braum's and watching tv... what an exciting evening.
to party or not to party? that is question.

and where the hell is everyone?

everybody's really low energy
is that was this is? or just contemplative. lost in a state of nothing to say.
too much on my mind to find the time to speak any actual words.
they're just a waste of time, at times like this. contemplative times.

things krink has learned today.

1. going to class is really not that scary.
2. the hideaway has damn good pizza.
3. practicing guitar makes your fingers hurt
4. when your computer turns on and goes automatically to "safe mode," that is a bad thing
5. men chase women because they fear death.

and i was immortalized on film. is that possible? film isn't immortal. so how can one be immortalized? i always thought one could be immortalized through memories. but even those are only mortal, only last as long as someone is around to remember them...

tattered, half-used books of matches
old ethernet cards
crumpled credit card receipts
notes from my parents

this are things i have discovered while cleaning out my desk. two bags of garbage produced so far... but the more i clean away, the less i have to pack.
a bit lonely, but a movie to keep me company. stealing beauty, one of my favorites. wish someone would call me all the same.

59 days.

(this is amanda anne's never-ending story)

so lonely it eats her up inside
gives herself
in a brief dance
but soon is left to dance alone
more partners then she can count
most she cares not to remember
an outlet for emotions
in an upside-down world
known for her dancing
beauty seen in every move
partner to partner
whirling with careless abandon
gives herself to empty arms
used and then pushed away
hidden music whispers in her ear
always will drive her forward
never ending.
a dance that never ends.

there's an old Elvis movie on AMC. Now I'm wondering if I should go to the movies to kill a few hours, since I have nothing else to do. Usually when I'm bored I head for the duckpond, but no one to go with today... the ducks will miss me. So maybe I'll go see a movie instead. Or find things on the internet to play with for awhile.
I'm wearing my new t-shirt from gameskins. It's pretty cute... thanks aaron.
Konami codes! I could go to game x-change! Ah but then I'd spend too much money. A movie is a set rate cheap form of entertainment.
Tonight is a "quasi-lesson" (read, free lesson) with senor sarmiento. thanks to him for understanding my shaky financial state.. and I did throw in Rocky's autograph on his DVD. so we can play fun things instead of scales and finger exercises. And afterwards we'll go to Ritchie's birthday extravaganza at the Mont.
Should I have a going away party? Maybe more trouble then it's worth. But how else will I say goodbye to everyone? Most I've told don't seem that concerned about it, it's not like i won't be back in just 5 months. I doubt I'll miss that much. Just a few people, and maybe some fun parties. My guitar will be lonesome with me.
The leaves outside my window are turning red. The air conditioner is on... and I can hear the wind blowing by. Cars are starting in the parking lot. Everyone is headed home from class I suppose.
It's 4pm... now what?

Who's to say ex-Greek people can't have good parties? I've been to one, so now I know.
Friday night on Trout at the blue Christmas light house... and I walked in, immediately wary of being surrounded by Abercrombie clothes and bleached blonde hair...
and in the house I found,
art. GOOD art. real abstract pretty swirling colors and funky piece of twisted metal ART. and they were playing modest mouse. and they had a bar where you could get real drink, in addition to the standard keg in the backyard. i drank a vodka tonic at a house party. the people were nice, and there was lots to drink and lots to smoke and everyone under the sun to talk to. it was pretty cool. so kudos to those guys who live 3 houses down from my complex, whoever they are.

Saturday I went to the game and screamed my guts out for my boy. Rocky is the man. But I think I got a bum corn dog, because I came home for my post-game nap and woke up sick as a dog. A quick recovery was made, but I'm still suspicious of that corn dog. It had to be that, or the beer I had over by subway. And one little bud light in a can does not make me sick 9 hours later. Damn corn dog. Didn't even get to put mustard on it, and it wasn't very warm.

Still alive enough to put on the fringe skirt and attend the pistol arrows gathering at the deli. i received many compliments and many attempted pats on the ass. that is not what that skirt is supposed to do, but it did, and David took a picture, and it's going to be the heading for the new photo page on the arrows site. So hooray for my skirt. It will be too cold to wear in Sweden.. and how else to entice the Swedish men? perplexing thought.

when I turned 6 I had a birthday party. My mom gave me a copy of Dr. Suess's "My Book About Me"
I remember running around my house counting forks, and stairs, and clocks, and getting the mailman's signature.
I had a pink heart-shaped cake, and I got a jumping rope and a new barbie doll.

I will not eat them in a box, I will not eat them with a fox.
I will not eat them Sam-I-am
I will not eat your green eggs and ham.

1) my tekken skills are improving
2) my company is starting to get on my nerves
3) i'm going to miss my guitar
4) i will be european in 25 + 31 + 6 =
62 days.

rain, rain, go away, come again some other day.
because i'm ready for some football!
argh. i will have to be wet and drippy while i watch rocky kick some ass today.

tonight i've been invited to "A Beat Happening"
(this is an invitation they actually sent me IN THE MAIL)
"An invitation to All Cool Cats and Hip Chicks To Spend an Evening Celebrating the Beat Culture With Friends, Party, and Spoken Word"
Saturday . November 3 . 9-12pm
I will go read some poetry, and then to round off the evening.... I will go boogie at the deli!!!

yippee!

i think i've jumped up out of the funk i was in. it's like quick-sand... sucks you down to where you just wallow and don't get anything done. and that isn't much fun.

i got a hair cut tonight. i again feel spunky and pixie-like. hooray! someone email me... i have no idea if my new address works. or i just want someone to email me :)
off to study marketing... the distribution channels are calling my name.
mucha smooches.