Sunday, September 30, 2001
to whom do you speak?
well, that's a good question.
who is this "kate" girl anyway?
well, that's a good question.
who is this "kate" girl anyway?
and i get a call two minutes later
god bless my hungry friend who is also lonely.
work from 4 to 8 tonight. someone come say hi to me!
god bless my hungry friend who is also lonely.
work from 4 to 8 tonight. someone come say hi to me!
nightmares, and bad playing technique, and obscure comments. and i had to wash the dishes.
today is not turning out to be such a nice day.
so i'm slam dancing around my living room to make myself feel better and so far it's not working.
here's hoping...
lonely.
today is not turning out to be such a nice day.
so i'm slam dancing around my living room to make myself feel better and so far it's not working.
here's hoping...
lonely.
Saturday, September 29, 2001
last night I made $12 in 4 hours....... not much considering I served over a hundred drinks. LIT LIT LIT LIT jack 'n coke LIT LIT LIT LIT and the occasional skyy and cranberry.
being a bartender is pretty fun. I wish there had been girls working with me instead of guys, because, well, girl bartenders get better tips. we're cuter. oh well! my first and hopefully only slow night. still averaged about $8 an hour. it was a toga party, that was a new experience. guys look cute in togas.
today sold my shit on campus corner.... that sounds like a drug innuendo. but i sold lots of shit! then I went to the game, left at the half....... nap time...... then dinner. just stuffed my face with mass quantities of chicken nachos courtesy of amy's dad. even if he is a K-State fan. but our boys pulled through. We beat 'em by one point.
boomer sooner!
now it's me and my beer and my tv and my cigarettes. killing time until the parties ensue. think i'll eat some pringles..... yummy.
want to play DDR tonight! even though someone didn't call me like they were supposed too.
being a bartender is pretty fun. I wish there had been girls working with me instead of guys, because, well, girl bartenders get better tips. we're cuter. oh well! my first and hopefully only slow night. still averaged about $8 an hour. it was a toga party, that was a new experience. guys look cute in togas.
today sold my shit on campus corner.... that sounds like a drug innuendo. but i sold lots of shit! then I went to the game, left at the half....... nap time...... then dinner. just stuffed my face with mass quantities of chicken nachos courtesy of amy's dad. even if he is a K-State fan. but our boys pulled through. We beat 'em by one point.
boomer sooner!
now it's me and my beer and my tv and my cigarettes. killing time until the parties ensue. think i'll eat some pringles..... yummy.
want to play DDR tonight! even though someone didn't call me like they were supposed too.
Friday, September 28, 2001
just finished a wrinkle in time, again. so that means i get to move on to a wind in the door! hooray. but first i have to go take my business law exam. that is a non-hooray. to everyone who is sick, i hope you feel better. i finally do a little, cough cough.
Qui plus sait, plus se tait.
Qui plus sait, plus se tait.
Thursday, September 27, 2001
ithinkicanithinkicanithinkicanithinkicanithinkicanithinkican
i can do this!
negotiating a deal with a company that does DVD authoring, and then trying to find a distributor who will provide the "jeweled" cases (nothing but the best for us), and put in our artwork inserts, AND shrinkwrap the darn things. that is harder then it sounds. and then i'm working with a guy in the university procurement services about oking a transaction that will be over $2500. and THEN i'm working with the head of marketing and licensing of the athletic department to get legal clearance to use their footage of the games, and the OU logo, and make sure we don't piss anyone off by doing so. first thing in the morning I have to go sign a big and serious binding legal document. little old me! yesterday I was a regular college student, today I'm brokering thousand dollar deals.
THIS CLASS KICKS ASS!
wish me luck. OH and we started selling our boomer stick noisemaker thingies. made about $900 the first day! I even convinced Brad to buy a pair from me, imagine that. If you are on campus go to the union and buy some! Or get 'em at the game. They're very loud and obnoxious. Will do nicely to piss off the players from K-State.
p.s. the true sign of a professional: I've started answer my cell with "This is Kate King" because all I receive now are business calls. It is making me very nervous.
i can do this!
negotiating a deal with a company that does DVD authoring, and then trying to find a distributor who will provide the "jeweled" cases (nothing but the best for us), and put in our artwork inserts, AND shrinkwrap the darn things. that is harder then it sounds. and then i'm working with a guy in the university procurement services about oking a transaction that will be over $2500. and THEN i'm working with the head of marketing and licensing of the athletic department to get legal clearance to use their footage of the games, and the OU logo, and make sure we don't piss anyone off by doing so. first thing in the morning I have to go sign a big and serious binding legal document. little old me! yesterday I was a regular college student, today I'm brokering thousand dollar deals.
THIS CLASS KICKS ASS!
wish me luck. OH and we started selling our boomer stick noisemaker thingies. made about $900 the first day! I even convinced Brad to buy a pair from me, imagine that. If you are on campus go to the union and buy some! Or get 'em at the game. They're very loud and obnoxious. Will do nicely to piss off the players from K-State.
p.s. the true sign of a professional: I've started answer my cell with "This is Kate King" because all I receive now are business calls. It is making me very nervous.
Wednesday, September 26, 2001
"One of the strange things about living in the world is that it is only now and then one is quite sure one is going to live forever and ever and ever. One knows it sometimes when one gets up at the tender solemn dawn-time and goes out and stands alone and throws one's head far back and looks up and up and watches the pale sky slowly changing and flushing and marvelous unknown things happeneing until the East almost makes one cry out and one's heart stands still at the strange unchanging mystery of the rising of the sun ... one knows it then for a moment or so. And one knows it sometimes when one stands by oneself in a wood at sunset and the mysterious deep gold stillness slanting through and under the branches seems to be saying slowly again and again something one cannot quite hear, however much one tries. Then sometimes the immense quiet of the dark blue at night with millions of stars waiting and watching makes one sure; and sometimes a sound of far-off music makes it true; and sometimes a look in someone's eyes."
Frances Hodgson Burnett, The Secret Garden
A few nights ago I sneaked after to watch a friend walk away down the road, and I saw him hold out his arms and look up at the sky, and just for a moment enjoy the glory of the night, and I was reminded of this passage.
Frances Hodgson Burnett, The Secret Garden
A few nights ago I sneaked after to watch a friend walk away down the road, and I saw him hold out his arms and look up at the sky, and just for a moment enjoy the glory of the night, and I was reminded of this passage.
Tuesday, September 25, 2001
excerpt from one of my bi-weekly emails to Curtis:
"tonight i hung out with Robert and Christie, we went and played video games at Crossroads Mall. There is this cool game called Dance Dance Revolution that has big foot pads and you dance along with little arrows that whiz across the screen."
need I say more?
I am now a confessed DDR participator. It's pretty neat-o I must say. And during the breaks while they were playing I got to go play a shoot-em-up gun game, AND THEN we went and ate Krispy Kreme. My first official Krispy Kreme experience. And I still stand on my original statement. "It is just a doughnut!"
But a pretty damn good doughnut, I will give them that. It looks like it would be fun to be a doughnut riding through the waterfall of glaze. But the hot oil bath just before that wouldn't be too much fun...
Tiring of my company. Same old faces and same old problems. Lots of arguments and hassles. But tomorrow we officially start selling our boomer sticks in the union, and we're raising money for the Red Cross. So hopefully people will buy them for that if nothing else. Whenever it gets up our official site will be IBRememberin'. Because we be rememberin'. Everyone be rememberin' after what happened week before last.
Do you think they play DDR in Sweden? Let's hope so. Otherwise I'll go 4 months without. How will I get my fix? In all the hot european dance clubs I suppose.
"tonight i hung out with Robert and Christie, we went and played video games at Crossroads Mall. There is this cool game called Dance Dance Revolution that has big foot pads and you dance along with little arrows that whiz across the screen."
need I say more?
I am now a confessed DDR participator. It's pretty neat-o I must say. And during the breaks while they were playing I got to go play a shoot-em-up gun game, AND THEN we went and ate Krispy Kreme. My first official Krispy Kreme experience. And I still stand on my original statement. "It is just a doughnut!"
But a pretty damn good doughnut, I will give them that. It looks like it would be fun to be a doughnut riding through the waterfall of glaze. But the hot oil bath just before that wouldn't be too much fun...
Tiring of my company. Same old faces and same old problems. Lots of arguments and hassles. But tomorrow we officially start selling our boomer sticks in the union, and we're raising money for the Red Cross. So hopefully people will buy them for that if nothing else. Whenever it gets up our official site will be IBRememberin'. Because we be rememberin'. Everyone be rememberin' after what happened week before last.
Do you think they play DDR in Sweden? Let's hope so. Otherwise I'll go 4 months without. How will I get my fix? In all the hot european dance clubs I suppose.
Sunday, September 23, 2001
dizzy... you're making me dizzy... i'm so dizzy my head is spinning... and it's you girl making it spin... you're making me dizzy
if anyone remembers who wrote that song tell me. it's on the oldies station a lot, which lately is all i listen to when i drive. that, or my cardigans tape.
been a busy week. lots of company activites. formal meetings with the natural history museum curator, and the director of the athletic department. i feel very professional these days. conference calls and appointments and things of that nature. i'm taking the business world by storm. all this is related to being the director of research and development for my company. and so far i've obtained the footage we're going to use on the DVD, now just one more meeting to address any copyrighting and licensing concerns, and then Mike will make me a beta master version, and we'll seen it off to the DVD guys... and POOF! money for the red cross. It's going to be titled "Sooner Football: The National Championship Years" It has footage from every year we've won, back to 1950. Lots of neat clips of Bud Wilkinson and Barry Switzer. If you're a football buff like me, you'll like it a lot. So buy one from me! I know the alumni are going to eat them up.
Guitar lesson today. More barre chords. that's all I do these days, barre chords barre chords barre chords. but as my teacher says, they are what seperate the ones who consider themselves to be guitar players from the ones who actally ARE guitar players. and I want to be a guitar player. so here's to more sore fingertips and broken skin, and wiping blood off the strings. it's all about the music baby.
cheese and triscuits and pepperoni, yummy!
I showed ciole the iron giant. now he's a member of the club. that is one of the best animated movies of all time. one of the best movies of all time... i wish i knew more about animation. i would love to work doing something related to it. maybe be in the marketing department of a production company for animated short-length films. the creature comforts guys could give me a job. i'd make em a million bucks. "my auntie is a zombie from hell!" i wish i were that creative.
but in order for me to ever find a job I have to do well on my test tomorrow. so it's off to the magical land of human resource managament. TTFN.
if anyone remembers who wrote that song tell me. it's on the oldies station a lot, which lately is all i listen to when i drive. that, or my cardigans tape.
been a busy week. lots of company activites. formal meetings with the natural history museum curator, and the director of the athletic department. i feel very professional these days. conference calls and appointments and things of that nature. i'm taking the business world by storm. all this is related to being the director of research and development for my company. and so far i've obtained the footage we're going to use on the DVD, now just one more meeting to address any copyrighting and licensing concerns, and then Mike will make me a beta master version, and we'll seen it off to the DVD guys... and POOF! money for the red cross. It's going to be titled "Sooner Football: The National Championship Years" It has footage from every year we've won, back to 1950. Lots of neat clips of Bud Wilkinson and Barry Switzer. If you're a football buff like me, you'll like it a lot. So buy one from me! I know the alumni are going to eat them up.
Guitar lesson today. More barre chords. that's all I do these days, barre chords barre chords barre chords. but as my teacher says, they are what seperate the ones who consider themselves to be guitar players from the ones who actally ARE guitar players. and I want to be a guitar player. so here's to more sore fingertips and broken skin, and wiping blood off the strings. it's all about the music baby.
cheese and triscuits and pepperoni, yummy!
I showed ciole the iron giant. now he's a member of the club. that is one of the best animated movies of all time. one of the best movies of all time... i wish i knew more about animation. i would love to work doing something related to it. maybe be in the marketing department of a production company for animated short-length films. the creature comforts guys could give me a job. i'd make em a million bucks. "my auntie is a zombie from hell!" i wish i were that creative.
but in order for me to ever find a job I have to do well on my test tomorrow. so it's off to the magical land of human resource managament. TTFN.
Monday, September 17, 2001
Tomorrow night go to galileo's and see mr. sarmiento perform. i'll be there, with my mom in tow. good times with live music!
someone told me I was brave. wow, what a nice compliment....
but I don't feel very brave right now. sitting in the computer lab researching study abroad programs, and getting weak kneed at the thought of all the hassles that I will face, and how scary it will be to live somewhere so different from what I know, and how expensive it will be.
but mostly worried because my mom reminded me last night that my brother's wedding is June 1st, so I'd have to be back by the last week of May. ARGH! That doesn't fit into the academic calendar of the schools I'm looking into... but that's ok. I just need to remember that I can also go next fall if need be. It's not the end of the world.
you know it's almost 2:30, and I haven't eaten since 9, and I have to pee, and I have 2 different meetings to go to tonight and all this work to do...
and I'm loving every minute of it! being busy keeps you from being sad.
kisses to one and all.
but I don't feel very brave right now. sitting in the computer lab researching study abroad programs, and getting weak kneed at the thought of all the hassles that I will face, and how scary it will be to live somewhere so different from what I know, and how expensive it will be.
but mostly worried because my mom reminded me last night that my brother's wedding is June 1st, so I'd have to be back by the last week of May. ARGH! That doesn't fit into the academic calendar of the schools I'm looking into... but that's ok. I just need to remember that I can also go next fall if need be. It's not the end of the world.
you know it's almost 2:30, and I haven't eaten since 9, and I have to pee, and I have 2 different meetings to go to tonight and all this work to do...
and I'm loving every minute of it! being busy keeps you from being sad.
kisses to one and all.
the study study study part isn't turning out to be much fun.
i feel like i'm wading through jello, but really is just my marketing textbook.
definitions of "culture" and "product diversity" and "suppliers" and "maslow's heirarchy of needs"
I hate intro level classes. and yet you're still forced to read even though you understand all the stuff... you have understood all the stuff since the 7th grade... because the prof decides to make his test be centered on little details from the content. nothing about understanding the meaning or interpreting the ideas. god forbid. so you have to read every sentence. e v e r y w o r d .... .......... ................
oh i'm not going to make it!
" weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning "
that is so true.
i feel like i'm wading through jello, but really is just my marketing textbook.
definitions of "culture" and "product diversity" and "suppliers" and "maslow's heirarchy of needs"
I hate intro level classes. and yet you're still forced to read even though you understand all the stuff... you have understood all the stuff since the 7th grade... because the prof decides to make his test be centered on little details from the content. nothing about understanding the meaning or interpreting the ideas. god forbid. so you have to read every sentence. e v e r y w o r d .... .......... ................
oh i'm not going to make it!
" weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning "
that is so true.
Sunday, September 16, 2001
sleep sleep sleep
guitar guitar guitar
computer computer computer
work work work
study study study
sleep sleep sleep
a synopsis of my day. now i'm on number 3... something is missing.
the tea kettle on the stove is whistling. i wish i could whistle. again i'm jealous of the tea.
guitar guitar guitar
computer computer computer
work work work
study study study
sleep sleep sleep
a synopsis of my day. now i'm on number 3... something is missing.
the tea kettle on the stove is whistling. i wish i could whistle. again i'm jealous of the tea.
advice:
if you have the beginnings of a cold, don't go walking in the rain. this is did, after a friend was nice enough to walk me home, I went out walking some more. and then god bless I ran into someone who drove me home, and I woke up this morning sick as a dog. So I stayed in bed all day with my big bottle of water and my kleenex and my throw-up bowl. Every time someone called they thought they had the wrong number because my voice was so hoarse... it was pretty amusing. Now that I look back on it anyways. It wasn't fun when I was throwing up. But now it's funny.
I feel better after sleeping. Enough that I was able to go to the bar and drink sprite and watch everyone else drink beer. No beers for me. and no cigarettes. now I'm supposed to go over to a friend's and play video games but I don't know that I am going to make it. There is a lot on my mind I need to think over. I had a yucky experience last night with the someone who drove me home. I wouldn't say we had a fight, but it wasn't pleasant. At least I got a lot of crap off of my chest, and he was right in saying, as I'm being all sad... "you know you'll feel better after you get some sleep." to which I replied in my little sad angry voice "no I won't, I'll never feel better."
but he was right, I did. and I do. so now it's just waiting and watching until I feel bad again. because it always manages to sneak upon me when I least expect it...
if you have the beginnings of a cold, don't go walking in the rain. this is did, after a friend was nice enough to walk me home, I went out walking some more. and then god bless I ran into someone who drove me home, and I woke up this morning sick as a dog. So I stayed in bed all day with my big bottle of water and my kleenex and my throw-up bowl. Every time someone called they thought they had the wrong number because my voice was so hoarse... it was pretty amusing. Now that I look back on it anyways. It wasn't fun when I was throwing up. But now it's funny.
I feel better after sleeping. Enough that I was able to go to the bar and drink sprite and watch everyone else drink beer. No beers for me. and no cigarettes. now I'm supposed to go over to a friend's and play video games but I don't know that I am going to make it. There is a lot on my mind I need to think over. I had a yucky experience last night with the someone who drove me home. I wouldn't say we had a fight, but it wasn't pleasant. At least I got a lot of crap off of my chest, and he was right in saying, as I'm being all sad... "you know you'll feel better after you get some sleep." to which I replied in my little sad angry voice "no I won't, I'll never feel better."
but he was right, I did. and I do. so now it's just waiting and watching until I feel bad again. because it always manages to sneak upon me when I least expect it...
Thursday, September 13, 2001
there goes my train. sometimes I would just like to jump on and ride ride ride away!
much to say and coming up short in ways to express it. isn't that always the case? words caught just short of popping out. no way to let anyone know how I'm feeling. just yucky. I didn't get out of bed today. I missed class, 2 exams, and a company meeting. and I really really shouldn't have done that. but I just couldn't, just didn't want to go out. wanted to stay cuddled on my couch. flipping endlessly through the channels showing footage and words and footage. a collage I manufactured for myself to distract from the reality of what is going on. I'm slipping back into something, and I have to fight to stay afloat. what a horrible feeling I have inside! I wonder what will make it go away. sleep perhaps. or playing my guitar. of course with my current mood, it'd be more like banging my guitar. and my roomates are asleep so I have to be quiet. no way to let all this out. i just want to let it all out! here is an on-screen scream.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
ok I feel better. I miss my mom.
much to say and coming up short in ways to express it. isn't that always the case? words caught just short of popping out. no way to let anyone know how I'm feeling. just yucky. I didn't get out of bed today. I missed class, 2 exams, and a company meeting. and I really really shouldn't have done that. but I just couldn't, just didn't want to go out. wanted to stay cuddled on my couch. flipping endlessly through the channels showing footage and words and footage. a collage I manufactured for myself to distract from the reality of what is going on. I'm slipping back into something, and I have to fight to stay afloat. what a horrible feeling I have inside! I wonder what will make it go away. sleep perhaps. or playing my guitar. of course with my current mood, it'd be more like banging my guitar. and my roomates are asleep so I have to be quiet. no way to let all this out. i just want to let it all out! here is an on-screen scream.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
ok I feel better. I miss my mom.
relief is found in music and good company. for a little while at least. but as soon as i'm inside my door i'm back in front of the tv, even with nothing new to say, I just can't tear myself away.
wish I had somewhere to go, or someone to talk to.
wish I had somewhere to go, or someone to talk to.
Tuesday, September 11, 2001
long day. still you have to do all the same daily things you always do, despite whatever happens,
but it gives a new respect for things. and a realization about how trivial most stuff really is... and a new taste. life has a different flavor now. bitter. but still sweet, because I'm still around to enjoy it. and for that I am truly thankful.
prayers for all. all my friends who have been called into active duty. and everyone else. because there isn't a single person who doesn't need a prayer today.
just pray.
but it gives a new respect for things. and a realization about how trivial most stuff really is... and a new taste. life has a different flavor now. bitter. but still sweet, because I'm still around to enjoy it. and for that I am truly thankful.
prayers for all. all my friends who have been called into active duty. and everyone else. because there isn't a single person who doesn't need a prayer today.
just pray.
curtis has a girlfriend, a girlfriend who rides horses and has strong legs. oh my!
go curtis go!
go curtis go!
on sunday, at the zoo, with christie, we were innocently viewing the lions.... and who should stroll by, hand in hand with some chick, but the last person on the planet i ever expected to see. ever again. this would be my ex-boyfriend from the summer after high school, and just the look of surprise on his face was priceless. because it was a mixture of confusion, and fear, and utter surprise. confusion because my hair is about 16 inches shorter, and my body about an inch taller, and my frame much more along the straight and narrow and not quite so slouchy and sad. fear on the odd possibly that I would recognize him (which I did) and that I might try and go talk to him (which I did not) surprise because he, like me, never expected to see my face again.
and if he only knew. because I know why he was scared, i would be scared of me too, based on how I was back then, 3 years ago, when he knew me. I wish there was a way in just one look to see how much a person had changed. how fascinating would that be!
needless to say I couldn't stop hysterically laughing for about 5 minutes. the lions thought I was nuts.
and if he only knew. because I know why he was scared, i would be scared of me too, based on how I was back then, 3 years ago, when he knew me. I wish there was a way in just one look to see how much a person had changed. how fascinating would that be!
needless to say I couldn't stop hysterically laughing for about 5 minutes. the lions thought I was nuts.
it's a nice change to be busy. with things that aren't so much fun, but distracting. and sometimes being distracted is nice. takes the focus away from other potentially draining situaitons.
i should have gone running today. but I didn't get home from class/random meetings until 6:30. I was away from my apartment for 9 hours straight... I think that is a new record. I'm going to lose all my happy stamina that I've built up. it's my only reason for quitting smoking. running that is. it's a good kind of pain. a pain that makes you want to be better.
the tea on the stove is all steamy. i wish i was steamy. i'm jealous of the tea...
deep inside i know i'll find
something that you just can't hide
there's a mystery waiting there for me
are you all i hope you'll be?
( circe me, 5 minutes ago )
i should have gone running today. but I didn't get home from class/random meetings until 6:30. I was away from my apartment for 9 hours straight... I think that is a new record. I'm going to lose all my happy stamina that I've built up. it's my only reason for quitting smoking. running that is. it's a good kind of pain. a pain that makes you want to be better.
the tea on the stove is all steamy. i wish i was steamy. i'm jealous of the tea...
deep inside i know i'll find
something that you just can't hide
there's a mystery waiting there for me
are you all i hope you'll be?
( circe me, 5 minutes ago )
Sunday, September 09, 2001
beautiful
one week at a time
then again discarded
too soon grow tired
of being with me
now someone new
steps up to the plate
same old game
new set of rules
not so easily forgotten
this time.
circa me, september 2000.
one week at a time
then again discarded
too soon grow tired
of being with me
now someone new
steps up to the plate
same old game
new set of rules
not so easily forgotten
this time.
circa me, september 2000.
I didn't have to drive after all, which means I drank far far too many vodka tonics. and hornsbys. I always get indigestion the day after I drink... why is that? Maybe because I always eat at the Diner the morning after. over easy eggs + left over alcohol still in my system = me in the bathroom for 30 minutes. at least I had a good book to read.
by the way, cujunto clave was kickin'! I wish I owned some castanets. or some maracas. then I would be at one with the music. I want to play timbales again! I wish I still in some kind of percussion group type thing... I haven't played a conga in 5 years. they're fun to beat on. sigh. never would I have thought I would miss the good old days being in the high school band.
so we went to galileo's, and then to a party on classen.. happy birthday linh.. and then over to a friend's. I fell asleep watching a movie and then came home and crashed out in my super comfy bed. it was a good night.
I should be having a guitar lesson today. shame on me for not scheduling one. but I did practice for about 45 minutes, that's something at least.
Christy is coming to get me, and we are going to the zoo! It is officially a zoo day! Yippppppppeeeeeeeeeeee!
by the way, cujunto clave was kickin'! I wish I owned some castanets. or some maracas. then I would be at one with the music. I want to play timbales again! I wish I still in some kind of percussion group type thing... I haven't played a conga in 5 years. they're fun to beat on. sigh. never would I have thought I would miss the good old days being in the high school band.
so we went to galileo's, and then to a party on classen.. happy birthday linh.. and then over to a friend's. I fell asleep watching a movie and then came home and crashed out in my super comfy bed. it was a good night.
I should be having a guitar lesson today. shame on me for not scheduling one. but I did practice for about 45 minutes, that's something at least.
Christy is coming to get me, and we are going to the zoo! It is officially a zoo day! Yippppppppeeeeeeeeeeee!
Saturday, September 08, 2001
traffic is the bane of my existence. i want to go see my mom, fat chance, because every possible getaway route is blocked with trucks and people and cars and more and more cars. they're everywhere! if only I was going to the game... but weddings instead. it's wedding season. everyone is getting married. so I suppose I'll risk slinging my car into the fray after kick-off. then I can run over pedestrians! fun!
tonight is galileos. and salsa music. i will shake my groove thing till the cows come home. why does it have to be so far away? i have to be responsible and not drink so i can drive home in one piece. such is life!
tomorrow night... amy's birthday party at the mont... be there or be square.
p.s. check out happy music time updates. the pistol arrows. still the coolest band around.
tonight is galileos. and salsa music. i will shake my groove thing till the cows come home. why does it have to be so far away? i have to be responsible and not drink so i can drive home in one piece. such is life!
tomorrow night... amy's birthday party at the mont... be there or be square.
p.s. check out happy music time updates. the pistol arrows. still the coolest band around.
"if it were up to somone else, would they lock me away?" ( my journal from 5.7.01 )
probably, because I think I can communicate with ducks, and fish, and turtles. but especially the crane. that crane and I , we are on the SAME PLANE. nothing like watching the ducks be nervous, sensing the impending doom of the storm rolling in. I know those clouds made me nervous. I can't imagine being avian and experiencing the same situation. but at least they enjoyed munching on my hot dog buns. by the way, that translates to, i went tonight and fed the ducks. and saw a very majestic crane.
i wish i was majestic. it much be such a nice feeling to walk around and bask in your own majestic-ness. be majestic-esque. but i'm not quite there yet. still just sliding along the border between skinny and fashionable slender. tettering between clumsy and klutzy... just a taste of graceful. especially when I pretend I'm the star of the circus, and do my tightrope walking act along the edge of a curb. it's quite a site! i like to wear ballet shoes so people think there is an excuse for my build. "oh that explains the lack of, well, anything aside from skin and bones. it's because she's a dancer."
i'm dancing on the inside! in there i'm statue-esque.
probably, because I think I can communicate with ducks, and fish, and turtles. but especially the crane. that crane and I , we are on the SAME PLANE. nothing like watching the ducks be nervous, sensing the impending doom of the storm rolling in. I know those clouds made me nervous. I can't imagine being avian and experiencing the same situation. but at least they enjoyed munching on my hot dog buns. by the way, that translates to, i went tonight and fed the ducks. and saw a very majestic crane.
i wish i was majestic. it much be such a nice feeling to walk around and bask in your own majestic-ness. be majestic-esque. but i'm not quite there yet. still just sliding along the border between skinny and fashionable slender. tettering between clumsy and klutzy... just a taste of graceful. especially when I pretend I'm the star of the circus, and do my tightrope walking act along the edge of a curb. it's quite a site! i like to wear ballet shoes so people think there is an excuse for my build. "oh that explains the lack of, well, anything aside from skin and bones. it's because she's a dancer."
i'm dancing on the inside! in there i'm statue-esque.
Friday, September 07, 2001
sleepy tired sleepy tired sleepy tired
listening to the wind rustle the tree outside my kitchen window
and typing away in my underwear.
sweet dreams to one and all.
listening to the wind rustle the tree outside my kitchen window
and typing away in my underwear.
sweet dreams to one and all.
Thursday, September 06, 2001
it takes a lot of work to be an adult about things. like fighting with your landlord for instance. never more in my life have i wanted to scream at someone. call her a butthead or something like i used to do in the 3rd grade. then I for sure would have had the repairs made that I requested... over 2 months ago... but they're just too busy. for a tenant who has invested over 9000 dollars in this crappy little complex. i got out my calculator. why have i spent that much money on this shithole?
i have new icelandic exports to listen to at work today... anything to make the cigarette stocking time fly by more quickly. tonight i've been employed by some kind of catering company to tend bar at a private party. here's to not spilling beer on any of the strangers i'll be serving. if i do good tonight, next time i get to run a blackjack table. vegas here i come.
i have new icelandic exports to listen to at work today... anything to make the cigarette stocking time fly by more quickly. tonight i've been employed by some kind of catering company to tend bar at a private party. here's to not spilling beer on any of the strangers i'll be serving. if i do good tonight, next time i get to run a blackjack table. vegas here i come.
Monday, September 03, 2001
rancid alterations of emotion
between happy warm fuzzies
and chilling thrills of disgust
life would be so much easier
if i just understood
the touch of a hand is only noticed when it's gone.
i can only estimate when i wrote that... it's within volume one, which would place it sometime in the spring of my freshman year. somewhere in the realm of 1999. funny how i can look back and now see all these new interpretations and thoughts stemming from my own words, from a different time, when i was different person (for the most part). still a little bit the same. just a smidge.
so i had a crappy weekend and now comes the calm after the storm. too much time worried about what someone else was doing, and knowing exactly who he was with, and screaming and crying and generally being a baby about the entire situation. time for me to grow the fuck up is what I say. but otherwise I did get to meet some new and nice people, and see an old friend. so it wasn't all bad. each day has its moments. just wish i could ban from my mind those stupid self-demeaning thoughts that keep distracting me from whatever conversation or situation i'm really in... they only think i'm listening to them. and i feel terribly guilty because i'm really not. too wrapped up in my own little world to even notice.
so selfish!
between happy warm fuzzies
and chilling thrills of disgust
life would be so much easier
if i just understood
the touch of a hand is only noticed when it's gone.
i can only estimate when i wrote that... it's within volume one, which would place it sometime in the spring of my freshman year. somewhere in the realm of 1999. funny how i can look back and now see all these new interpretations and thoughts stemming from my own words, from a different time, when i was different person (for the most part). still a little bit the same. just a smidge.
so i had a crappy weekend and now comes the calm after the storm. too much time worried about what someone else was doing, and knowing exactly who he was with, and screaming and crying and generally being a baby about the entire situation. time for me to grow the fuck up is what I say. but otherwise I did get to meet some new and nice people, and see an old friend. so it wasn't all bad. each day has its moments. just wish i could ban from my mind those stupid self-demeaning thoughts that keep distracting me from whatever conversation or situation i'm really in... they only think i'm listening to them. and i feel terribly guilty because i'm really not. too wrapped up in my own little world to even notice.
so selfish!
